i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
