I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
