i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
