a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
