Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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