I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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