i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
