honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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