I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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