I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
