I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
