So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
