Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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