My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
