but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
