there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
