but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
whose parrot is this?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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