But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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