Got a toothbrush?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
