you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
