ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
