Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
