You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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