Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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