you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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