Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm always down for nudity.
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