You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
