Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
