Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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