hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
