Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
