No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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