Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.