her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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