it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
