I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex