just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.