no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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