Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
