Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
