Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
