i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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