Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize