I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
