Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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