Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
