on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
