You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
