Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
