Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
