It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
