I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
