I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
