Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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