Will you blow on my dice?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
