i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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