You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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