I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
