Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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