Michael Bay diarrhea
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
