cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
