apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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