Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
