Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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