I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
