I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
