I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
