dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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