Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
