My pussy is not your playground.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
