i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
