she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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