Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
