no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
