The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
