see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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