It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it fun? or sober?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
